Have you ever been open with someone? Did you comfort them by saying something? Everyone is taught to be kind to others. When someone is feeling a little down, this is especially true. With our words, we attempt to reassure them. To give your best friend some perspective, you might give them some advice. Yet, at times, these "soothing" words don't help. They may cause them more harm. Here are seven "comforting" words that actually hurt.



1. “ It's alright, you'll get over it.


It is justifiable that when somebody is miserable or harmed about something, we believe they should feel improved by underscoring what's in store. Perhaps, you believe they should realize that they will continue on and move past their sentiments. But you can't just tell someone to move on when they open up to you. Dr. Friedman (2021) claims that telling someone to move on is counterproductive because it will only cause them to suppress their emotions and never really allow them to process. Because of this, they might continue to hold on to these negative feelings in the future. Try saying something along the lines of "what your feeling is valid" or "you have the right to feel that way." They are given time and space to process those feelings in this way.




2. “ Kim, there's kin that are kicking the bucket".

Okay. Perhaps, not precisely those words however do whatever it takes not to reduce individuals' sentiments. It is analogous to stating, "Others have bigger problems." I am aware that the intention is to reassure Kim—the individual—that everything will be alright, but this is not how a person should be comforted. Naturally, there will always be someone significantly worse than you. However, this does not invalidate this individual's feelings. Saying this causes them figure what they to feel is less significant; even deficient. They could feel terrible for having those feelings and become unfortunate of opening up in the future since they may be negated once more. You, Kourtney, might try asking, "What can I do to get you to help?" This would indicate that you are willing to assist them when they require it.



3. “ The thing you have to do is..."

It isn't downright terrible to Offer guidance. But it can be hurtful when someone opens up to you. Exhortation could make them imagine that they are not investing sufficient effort or that the circumstance is their shortcoming and they are the issue. According to Adler's principles, if you want someone to change their behavior, you don't tell them what to do; rather, you help them become motivated to actually change their behavior (Wong, 2014). Because they know themselves better than anyone else, you might as well let them make their own decision.



4. “ You should know that I experienced the same thing.

When someone opens up to you, you sometimes want to relate a story to it as well. It could be your own or someone else's. However, this is not reassuring them. To avoid having a conversation with them, this is a tactic. It causes them to suppress their emotions. Additionally, it encourages toxic positivity and may prevent them from actually seeking emotional support because you didn't need it (Cherry, 2021). If you tell them a story that's similar to it, you take away their light and prevent them from expressing their emotions. Things are processed differently by everyone. Try not to make yourself the benchmark for how other people feel.



5. “ Everything occurs on purpose".

Yes. This may also be harmful. In certain examples, this could work however not when an individual is at the pinnacle of their feelings. They might believe that what they went through made sense if they heard this, but the truth is that it doesn't. In any event, not constantly. As indicated by Dr. Beltman (2022), utilizing this assertion can support trust yet additionally makes unreasonable inspiration. Positivity is a positive attitude, but it should only be used when necessary. Moments of distress can be perplexing. However, there is no requirement for explanation. You could say something like, "I wish I had the right words to make it make sense but I don't." In any case, I'm here to tune in".



 6.” All things considered, basically you have some work".

At the point when we solace others we attempt to remove their aggravation by featuring great encounters in their day to day existence. However, by doing so, you minimize an individual's experience. You are negating their agonizing encounters and could try and cause them to feel like they are being dissatisfied for the great stuff throughout everyday life. Try saying something like, "I don't know what to say, but you are very courageous for opening up."



7. “ I am aware of your circumstances.

No. The truth is that you don't know what that person is going through, even if you think you do. Emotions like grief and pain are common. It affects everyone in one way or another. However, people experience emotions in varying degrees. The pain you experienced when your dog passed away is distinct from that of another person. Therefore, you could say, "I could not imagine what you are going through right now, but I am here to listen," as opposed to claiming that you are aware of what they are going through. This is a sincere admission of your ignorance of their feelings and a reassuring assurance that you will be there for them despite this ignorance.



Try not to misunderstand me. Many people, including myself, frequently omit these words. Perhaps because we are so accustomed to global quick fixes. medication for every condition. Manuals for each device's users. But it can be hard to provide genuine comfort. It needs obvious compassion. And sometimes the best form of empathy is not the words you say, but rather your presence. They only require our attention, not anything from us.